By: L.A. Kohl
Aug 13, 2006
(published in the Aug. 16, 2006 edition of "The Bull's Eye")
Well, we did it. It wasn’t easy, and it may take months (or years) to make all the adjustments, but on August 12, we took our oldest child to college.
I’ve been giving myself “pep talks” all summer long, trying to prepare for it. When she left this summer to spend six weeks working at an orphanage in Guatemala, I kept telling myself, “It’s okay – you’ve still got six more children here at home.”
That argument didn’t work very well. Saying that there were still six more at home was kind of like cutting off a thumb and saying, “It’s okay, I’ve still got nine more fingers.”
So as I tried to prepare myself for this college phase of life, I gave myself some different pep talks. Things like, “It’s okay – it’s a great school with lots of like-minded teachers and students.” Or this one, “She’s got a great ‘head on her shoulders’, and she’s excited and ready for this.”
But it still didn’t work. She might have been ready, but even after all my pep talks to self, I don’t think I was ready.
Each child is such a unique and irreplaceable part of a whole. And no matter how many of us there are, there is now a hole in our whole that we call the Kohl family. No matter how big or little your “whole” family may be, you know that when even just one is missing, there’s a hole that no one or nothing else can replace.
And yet, amidst my sorrow of watching that first one leave the nest, I find myself experiencing moments when I feel a sense of joy and anticipation. When I think of it realistically, I know I would not want her to stay home indefinitely – to always feel obligated to be a part of our home. I’m looking forward to getting to know the new friends she’ll make at college, seeing her explore her options as far as college classes and activities are concerned, and yes – watching her get swept off her feet someday by a young man that will treasure her even more than we do. (If I said that last part to her face, she’d blush and say, “Oh, MOooom!” But moms just can’t help it, can we? We all want a “happily-ever-after” for our special little princess.)
Thus, I have to pick myself up out of my first-one-left-the-nest melancholy, and try to look forward to many new phases and experiences that the future will bring.
Isn’t that what we all have to do at different times in life? Getting through all the various aspects and chapters of life, enjoying each and every moment as much as possible, but not trying to hold on to those moments for too long and too tightly? Instead, we must look forward to the moments that are yet to come.
“…but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.” Philippians 3:13b
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Out of the Mouths of Babes
By: L.A. Kohl
July 29, 2006
(published in the Aug 2, 2006 edition of "the bullseye")
For lack of anything deep, moving, or reflective to write this week; I’ll fall back on my old stand-by. Judging from the comments I receive, the funny things that little kids say and do seems to entertain several of you…so here you go.
Our seven year old has been figuring out some personal, spiritual things lately. In fact, she’s going to be baptized in a few short days. But a few months ago, she came to me and said this out-of-the-blue statement:
“I know God is always by my side – but I just don’t know WHICH side!”
It was one of those moments when I knew she was being completely serious, but it took every bit of self-control on my part not to laugh out loud.
And then there are the statements that you’d really prefer not to hear. Our newly turned five year old walked into the house a few days ago, and made this comment to a big sister who happened to be sitting nearby:
“I petted Katie (our cat) and she is really fat – I think she must have babies inside. How do the babies get in there?”
Oh brother…the big sister said something like, “umm – you should probably ask mom," while mom hid in a corner of the kitchen, intently studying a recipe book and wishing that her dad would walk in right now!
Then, there is the “boy” of the house. He’s only three, so he’s in his prime. He loves to be helpful, and he is almost always the first child to wake in the morning. One morning dad thought he’d put this helpful, early riser to work by telling him that he could put the cereal bowls on the table. Dad explained that he could find the bowls in the cupboard by the table, or in the dishwasher.
The boy enthusiastically ran out of the room, and said, “OK! I’ll get the bowls out of the
‘frig-rator!”
(Umm – and while you’re at it – get the milk out of the dishwasher??? Maybe needs some work on his listening skills!)
One thing that I love about him is his polite little spirit. I don’t know if it’s all these big sisters he’s got surrounding him, or the influence of a great dad, or a little bit of both – but he can melt his old mom really quick with his sweetness.
The other day I had taken the three young ones down to our lake for swimming. Usually it’s their Dad who indulges them, but he wasn’t around and they had been begging and begging. So, I told them “just for a little while," donned an old swimsuit, and hiked down to the lake with all three of them. We played around for half an hour or so, and then I started telling them it was time to go back to the house.
I climbed out, hoping they would follow my example, but they were still too busy playing. I was drying off and re-iterating that we really needed to get back to the house, when the boy stopped what he was doing, looked up at me, and said, “Mom, you sure are cute…thanks for taking us swimming!” and then he went right back to splashing and playing.
I seriously believe he was sincere with his comments, and not just trying to butter me up. So you parenting experts will just have to overlook and forgive my reply to him:
“Oh, well, I guess we can stay down here a little bit longer.”
July 29, 2006
(published in the Aug 2, 2006 edition of "the bullseye")
For lack of anything deep, moving, or reflective to write this week; I’ll fall back on my old stand-by. Judging from the comments I receive, the funny things that little kids say and do seems to entertain several of you…so here you go.
Our seven year old has been figuring out some personal, spiritual things lately. In fact, she’s going to be baptized in a few short days. But a few months ago, she came to me and said this out-of-the-blue statement:
“I know God is always by my side – but I just don’t know WHICH side!”
It was one of those moments when I knew she was being completely serious, but it took every bit of self-control on my part not to laugh out loud.
And then there are the statements that you’d really prefer not to hear. Our newly turned five year old walked into the house a few days ago, and made this comment to a big sister who happened to be sitting nearby:
“I petted Katie (our cat) and she is really fat – I think she must have babies inside. How do the babies get in there?”
Oh brother…the big sister said something like, “umm – you should probably ask mom," while mom hid in a corner of the kitchen, intently studying a recipe book and wishing that her dad would walk in right now!
Then, there is the “boy” of the house. He’s only three, so he’s in his prime. He loves to be helpful, and he is almost always the first child to wake in the morning. One morning dad thought he’d put this helpful, early riser to work by telling him that he could put the cereal bowls on the table. Dad explained that he could find the bowls in the cupboard by the table, or in the dishwasher.
The boy enthusiastically ran out of the room, and said, “OK! I’ll get the bowls out of the
‘frig-rator!”
(Umm – and while you’re at it – get the milk out of the dishwasher??? Maybe needs some work on his listening skills!)
One thing that I love about him is his polite little spirit. I don’t know if it’s all these big sisters he’s got surrounding him, or the influence of a great dad, or a little bit of both – but he can melt his old mom really quick with his sweetness.
The other day I had taken the three young ones down to our lake for swimming. Usually it’s their Dad who indulges them, but he wasn’t around and they had been begging and begging. So, I told them “just for a little while," donned an old swimsuit, and hiked down to the lake with all three of them. We played around for half an hour or so, and then I started telling them it was time to go back to the house.
I climbed out, hoping they would follow my example, but they were still too busy playing. I was drying off and re-iterating that we really needed to get back to the house, when the boy stopped what he was doing, looked up at me, and said, “Mom, you sure are cute…thanks for taking us swimming!” and then he went right back to splashing and playing.
I seriously believe he was sincere with his comments, and not just trying to butter me up. So you parenting experts will just have to overlook and forgive my reply to him:
“Oh, well, I guess we can stay down here a little bit longer.”
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
The Loss of Childhood
By: L.A. Kohl
July 17, 2006
(published in the July 19, 2006 edition of "The Bullseye")
I find it so disturbing, that it’s a big reason why we homeschool our children as long as we do. It happens much too quickly from my point of view. What am I talking about? The loss of childhood.
I saw it reiterated once again last month, as I spent a couple of weeks working at youth camp. My twelve year old daughter was now old enough to go to the older youth camp – the one for Jr. High and High school age youth. She was excited about it, but I was rather dreading it.
The very first day, I overheard conversations from the other twelve year old girls in her cabin. Every conversation seemed to be something about boys. At one point, I felt I could be a quiet bystander no longer. I looked at the girl that was talking about some boy, and I said, “You know, if you haven’t figured it out yet – my girls don’t do ‘boys’ very much, unless they want to go catch frogs or play pirates. We just want our girls to enjoy childhood as long as possible.”
I tried to smile and say it in a light-hearted manner, so as not to embarrass my daughter or the other girl too much; but inside my heart was aching for these very young girls who were wanting to act so grown up. And my twelve year old, who had been looking rather lost, looked relieved, laughed, and said, “Yeah, the only boys I know very well are my cousins!”
At another point during camp, a sixth grade girl started telling me about this boy that she had dated.(What does a date between two twelve year olds look like, I couldn’t help wondering?) Perhaps she was just making up stories to try and impress me with how grown up she really was – but she picked the wrong person to try and impress.
“You are too young to be dating,” I told her, before she had hardly even finished her sentence.
“That’s what someone else said, too,” she lamented, “but I don’t understand why they think that.”
I didn’t hesitate to tell her why I thought it. I don’t go into lecture mode very often with anyone other than my own children, but I couldn’t help myself this time.
“Because you are only twelve years old,” I began, “and before you know it, you’ll be an adult. You only have a tiny amount of time to be a child; you have the rest of your life to be an adult. You shouldn’t try to grow up so fast – enjoy being a child while you can.”
She walked away, and I suspect that what I said went in one ear and out the other, but I couldn’t help saying it anyway.
I wish I could have brought that whole cabin full of twelve-year-old girls home with us after camp…away from all boys. I wish my girls could of shared their dress up clothes with them (they get great deals on old formals at garage sales) and then hosted a tea party for them. I wish they could have went out to the lake in the paddle boat, and let my girls “accidentally” push them out in the water in their old clothes – not having to worry about if some boy noticed whether they had their stylish bikini on or not. I wish they could have come and strapped on some plastic swords and tri-corner hats, and created some swash-buckling adventure with the video camera. I wish they could have come and stood around the piano, while my daughter tried to plunk out some old Disney movie songs while they all sang their lungs out.
Childhood is a precious, brief time in life…and I wish our society wasn’t so consumed with trying to rob it from our children.
July 17, 2006
(published in the July 19, 2006 edition of "The Bullseye")
I find it so disturbing, that it’s a big reason why we homeschool our children as long as we do. It happens much too quickly from my point of view. What am I talking about? The loss of childhood.
I saw it reiterated once again last month, as I spent a couple of weeks working at youth camp. My twelve year old daughter was now old enough to go to the older youth camp – the one for Jr. High and High school age youth. She was excited about it, but I was rather dreading it.
The very first day, I overheard conversations from the other twelve year old girls in her cabin. Every conversation seemed to be something about boys. At one point, I felt I could be a quiet bystander no longer. I looked at the girl that was talking about some boy, and I said, “You know, if you haven’t figured it out yet – my girls don’t do ‘boys’ very much, unless they want to go catch frogs or play pirates. We just want our girls to enjoy childhood as long as possible.”
I tried to smile and say it in a light-hearted manner, so as not to embarrass my daughter or the other girl too much; but inside my heart was aching for these very young girls who were wanting to act so grown up. And my twelve year old, who had been looking rather lost, looked relieved, laughed, and said, “Yeah, the only boys I know very well are my cousins!”
At another point during camp, a sixth grade girl started telling me about this boy that she had dated.(What does a date between two twelve year olds look like, I couldn’t help wondering?) Perhaps she was just making up stories to try and impress me with how grown up she really was – but she picked the wrong person to try and impress.
“You are too young to be dating,” I told her, before she had hardly even finished her sentence.
“That’s what someone else said, too,” she lamented, “but I don’t understand why they think that.”
I didn’t hesitate to tell her why I thought it. I don’t go into lecture mode very often with anyone other than my own children, but I couldn’t help myself this time.
“Because you are only twelve years old,” I began, “and before you know it, you’ll be an adult. You only have a tiny amount of time to be a child; you have the rest of your life to be an adult. You shouldn’t try to grow up so fast – enjoy being a child while you can.”
She walked away, and I suspect that what I said went in one ear and out the other, but I couldn’t help saying it anyway.
I wish I could have brought that whole cabin full of twelve-year-old girls home with us after camp…away from all boys. I wish my girls could of shared their dress up clothes with them (they get great deals on old formals at garage sales) and then hosted a tea party for them. I wish they could have went out to the lake in the paddle boat, and let my girls “accidentally” push them out in the water in their old clothes – not having to worry about if some boy noticed whether they had their stylish bikini on or not. I wish they could have come and strapped on some plastic swords and tri-corner hats, and created some swash-buckling adventure with the video camera. I wish they could have come and stood around the piano, while my daughter tried to plunk out some old Disney movie songs while they all sang their lungs out.
Childhood is a precious, brief time in life…and I wish our society wasn’t so consumed with trying to rob it from our children.
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