A View Without the Safety of the Front Porch

By: L.A. Kohl
September 17, 2006
(published in the Oct. 4, 2006 edition of the "Bullseye")

As I’m sure most readers realize, the fact that my column is entitled “The View from the Front Porch," does NOT mean that I sit around on my porch all the time. (Although after today, I’m thinking it looks much more affable.) I usually feel fortunate if I get a few moments on the porch once a week or so. More often than not when I’m outside, I’m walking somewhere rather than sitting on the porch.

That was my current state today; a very pleasant Sunday afternoon. It had been raining off and on most of the day, and I happened to be out meandering. I had nothing in particular to accomplish. I just wasn’t in the mood for sitting, and thus I was “piddling." You know, things like picking a few fresh zinnias to bring in the house…checking out the one surviving squash plant in the garden to see if it was going to produce anything…and generally enjoying the freshness of a rainy, September afternoon.
The dog was romping, the kittens were scuffling, the trees were rustling, the husband was whistling, and the little ones were inside napping. It doesn’t get much better than that, does it?

Then it happened.

After almost fifteen years of living in the middle of the woods, I’m surprised it’s never happened before – and yet, “it” took me completely by surprise. “It” was an acorn thumping me squarely on top of the head.

It’s been too long since my math and science classes, but it seems like I remember something about mass times velocity equaling something. I’m pretty sure that acorn fell from at least twenty or thirty feet, so in my case, it equaled a very tender spot on the top of my head - and a hefty amount of laughter.

I couldn’t believe it; I was completely taken aback. However, in spite of my shock, my response happened instantaneously. I’m not the type of person who typically thinks “quick on her feet” so to speak, but after being a mom for so long, this response just came naturally – even before the laughter and the groaning.

You’ve probably guessed my response, haven’t you? Yup, I grabbed my head and muttered, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling – I must go and tell the king!”
Now, if I can just go and convince Henny Penny and Ducky Lucky, I’ll be good to go.