By L.A. Kohl
September 4, 2007
(published in the Sept. 12, 2007 edition of "the bullseye")
It just sort of happened as the child-rearing years went by – our children developed a knack for having and creating fun in very simple circumstances. The cute thing is this: the enjoyment of simple things continues even into the college years.
Our eldest is now in her second year of college. We talked on the phone recently, so I could find out what kind of things she found to do over her Labor Day weekend, since she chose not to come home. Here is her recounting of just one evening’s worth of “fun” with her friends…
It was the first night of the weekend - Friday night. One of her friends from Wichita loves baseball, and she wanted a bunch of them to go together down to Springfield to watch the Springfield Cardinals play against the Wichita...ummm…I have to show my baseball ignorance and admit that I don’t know the mascot of the Wichita team.
Anyway, several were going, so she said, “I decided I could spend five bucks to go watch the game, even though I’m not into sports.”
“Besides,” she continued, “I have never been to a professional baseball game, so I thought, ‘why not?’”
(I chose not to inform her that she still has not actually been to a professional baseball game.)
She went on to tell me that the first half of the game was okay; kind of boring, but she was getting into it a little bit. Then, she said, the real fun began in the second half of the game.
I started imagining the game getting much more exciting and tense, fans standing, yelling, cheering, all that stuff…you know, typical sporting event kind of fun. I was mistaken.
“Kyle and Casey left for a few minutes,” she said, talking about a couple of her good friends, “then they came back to get me because they said they found this really incredible hill for rolling down.”
Thus, she continues to tell me how she spent the second half of the ballgame rolling down an amazing hillside with a couple of friends. That’s what made the second half of the game more entertaining?
“I just had one problem though,” she laughed, “I kept rolling into Kyle and Casey. I guess I roll downhill crooked – so what’s up with that???”
I have to admit, I didn’t have an answer to that question. I did kind of want to ask her a question, something along the lines of, “So what’s up with baseball having a first and second half?” But once again, I chose not to say anything. Besides, she was busy telling me that only one of them actually broke their cell phone in the midst of the rolling antics, and it wasn’t her. That was good news, since she has already ruined one in the washing machine.
“And then after the game and a great fireworks show, we all decided to go to Braum’s for ice cream,” she continued. “We only got lost three or four different times…it was great!”
“Then, when we finally found it, we all decided we’d go to the grocery store side, and just buy one big tub of ice cream and share it all together…so we sat in Braum’s, all of us trying to eat this hard as a rock tub of sherbet with little plastic spoons, knives and forks. We broke a TON of them, and it was just a blast – I don’t remember the last time I laughed so much!”
Rolling down hills, getting lost, and sharing a half gallon of ice cream with friends…that’s what makes life rich for her. And from my point of view, I can say it is quite a relief when I can remain so calm and collected while listening to my college daughter’s Friday night escapades.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
A View from the Sardine Can/Van
By L.A. Kohl
August 12, 2007
August 12, 2007
(published in the Aug. 15, 2007 edition of "The Bullseye")
We have just recently returned from a family vacation. Well, it was kind of a vacation…kind of a family reunion…kind of a mission of mercy. Anyway I view it, however, it was most definitely a study in how sardines must feel once they’ve been packed into that tiny little can.
Our immediate family of nine decided it would be fun to drive down and visit my brother’s family, who live in Houston. Of course, we wanted to be able to take my parents along, as it has been several months since they’ve seen their son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. And then, we also wanted to take some other extended family, whose mom and sister are currently spending several weeks in Houston while the sister has daily radiation treatments. Three of them were able to come along with us…making it a grand total of 14 people in our 15 passenger van. Oh, and let me not fail to mention, exactly half of those passengers were teenagers; six of the seven being female in gender. Lucky guy.
For those who have never been in a 15 passenger, allow me to explain: when all four bench seats are in place, there is about one inch of space between the back seat and the back doors. Thus, we had to tell everyone that it was going to be like taking a flight somewhere, and only taking along a carry-on bag. Absolutely no checked baggage would be allowed. We had to limit everyone to a bag that could fit under their seat. But then, everyone wanted a pillow…perhaps a blanket…a couple books to read…some snacks and drinks. We were packed to the rim by the time we made our final pick-up stop in Columbia, bright and early that first morning.
My husband chose that moment, before we had even reached the interstate, to make a very short and timely speech. I believe, if memory serves me correctly, it went something like this:
“We have a very long way to go today. By the time we reach Houston late tonight, many of you will not love each other as much as you think you do right now. And you will definitely think I am more annoying than you have ever before thought possible.”
Might as well tell it like it is, I suppose.
By the way, did I mention that we had seven teenagers along with us? When we would make a “pit” stop, four of those teens, who were all the way in the back, decided it took too long to wait for all the passengers to pile out of the side doors. They would get the back doors opened, and hop out over the top of the back seat. Watching them try to get back in the van in that similar fashion was quite amusing. I noticed a few odd looks as bystanders would see all of these people flowing out of every possible opening of our van each time we stopped. Once we arrived in Texas, I believe they were probably thinking something like, “And they’re not Mexican???”
Speaking of reaching Texas – that was tough to explain to the little ones. Before we even made it to Kansas City, our youngest uttered his first, “Are we there yet?”
The eight year old understood we weren’t there yet, but she was anxiously awaiting our arrival in Texas. She kept asking, “Are we in Texas yet?”
We tried to explain that when we did actually cross into Texas…we still had a large part of our journey ahead of us. It’s hard to explain the vastness of Texas to a youngster.
But ask me about the confines of a sardine can, and I can now explain that in full detail.
We have just recently returned from a family vacation. Well, it was kind of a vacation…kind of a family reunion…kind of a mission of mercy. Anyway I view it, however, it was most definitely a study in how sardines must feel once they’ve been packed into that tiny little can.
Our immediate family of nine decided it would be fun to drive down and visit my brother’s family, who live in Houston. Of course, we wanted to be able to take my parents along, as it has been several months since they’ve seen their son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. And then, we also wanted to take some other extended family, whose mom and sister are currently spending several weeks in Houston while the sister has daily radiation treatments. Three of them were able to come along with us…making it a grand total of 14 people in our 15 passenger van. Oh, and let me not fail to mention, exactly half of those passengers were teenagers; six of the seven being female in gender. Lucky guy.
For those who have never been in a 15 passenger, allow me to explain: when all four bench seats are in place, there is about one inch of space between the back seat and the back doors. Thus, we had to tell everyone that it was going to be like taking a flight somewhere, and only taking along a carry-on bag. Absolutely no checked baggage would be allowed. We had to limit everyone to a bag that could fit under their seat. But then, everyone wanted a pillow…perhaps a blanket…a couple books to read…some snacks and drinks. We were packed to the rim by the time we made our final pick-up stop in Columbia, bright and early that first morning.
My husband chose that moment, before we had even reached the interstate, to make a very short and timely speech. I believe, if memory serves me correctly, it went something like this:
“We have a very long way to go today. By the time we reach Houston late tonight, many of you will not love each other as much as you think you do right now. And you will definitely think I am more annoying than you have ever before thought possible.”
Might as well tell it like it is, I suppose.
By the way, did I mention that we had seven teenagers along with us? When we would make a “pit” stop, four of those teens, who were all the way in the back, decided it took too long to wait for all the passengers to pile out of the side doors. They would get the back doors opened, and hop out over the top of the back seat. Watching them try to get back in the van in that similar fashion was quite amusing. I noticed a few odd looks as bystanders would see all of these people flowing out of every possible opening of our van each time we stopped. Once we arrived in Texas, I believe they were probably thinking something like, “And they’re not Mexican???”
Speaking of reaching Texas – that was tough to explain to the little ones. Before we even made it to Kansas City, our youngest uttered his first, “Are we there yet?”
The eight year old understood we weren’t there yet, but she was anxiously awaiting our arrival in Texas. She kept asking, “Are we in Texas yet?”
We tried to explain that when we did actually cross into Texas…we still had a large part of our journey ahead of us. It’s hard to explain the vastness of Texas to a youngster.
But ask me about the confines of a sardine can, and I can now explain that in full detail.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
A Different View of Teen Relationships
If you haven’t figured it out already, you’ll know it by the end of this article; I have a different outlook on life than your average Joe. Some may say I’m old-fashioned, that I should wake up and join the 21st century. I prefer to think that I am much wider awake than most “modern” thinking people.
Take for example, the recent phenomena of dating. I believe there are much better options for our youth than what society is teaching them. Today’s Hollywood scene continually screams at them, “Find someone you’re attracted to, get alone with them, and do what comes naturally.” Sorry, but we’re not sitting back and letting our children learn that lesson.
Instead, when they were little, we loved to let them watch things like “Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang”, so we could point out the line where the little girl says, “Just as soon as he kisses her, then they HAVE to get married.” Our teens realize that high of a standard may be a little extreme…but they recognize the value of high standards.
Once teens get physical, then they’ve developed a bond and attachment with a person - many times before they really even know the other person. Leave the physical part out of the bargain for awhile, and all of a sudden you have to actually get to know each other. And you get to know each other before you’ve let the physical aspect cloud your perspective.
Recently, one of our older daughters moved us beyond the “boys are for playing soccer and fishing with” level. She came home one night and excitedly announced, “[He] told me he liked me today!” (I don’t want to use names or they’d both be embarrassed.)
This is our first experience at this next level; but I have to admit – it’s going very well so far. They write each other notes and have both agreed to take things very slowly and not hurt each other. They’ve already been discussing their differences – one is spontaneous and the other is a planner, one is outgoing, the other is quiet, etc. They’ve been to a movie…but they went with siblings and friends. They’ve danced together…in a group competition that was being judged by their school’s formal night chaperones. They’ve sat side by side late at night on the way home from a track meet…and did Sinbad impersonations and practiced Australian accents. They are both having LOTS of fun, and making me wish I’d been as wise as they are at their age.
I see it as much healthier than the typical, physical oriented dating scene prominent in our culture. There might be some temporal pleasures in that easy come, easy go type of relationship…but I believe the hurt and damage it does in the long run outweigh those temporary gratifications.
If your teens are going to date, then at least encourage them to get creative in their dating and hold off on the physical stuff. Several years ago my brother-in-law did something I considered very creative and sweet. After getting to know his future bride-to-be in group situations with mutual friends, he decided to ask her out on their very first, one on one, date. After going out to eat and taking her to the hospital to visit her grandmother, he took her to the university’s outdoor amphitheater on a lovely starlit night, and they sat on the stage together and colored pictures (with brand new colors and coloring books – who could resist that?!) while talking and getting to know each other better.
Contrary to what society teaches – teens are not mere animals which have to act upon some physical drive that can’t be controlled. They are individuals with a mind and a soul – and that mind and soul should be sought after even more than the body. All of us “old” people can tell you – the body will deteriorate…but the heart and soul of a person will only continue to develop and blossom, if properly handled.
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